


Voices Always Catch Up

by the_trash_can_is_my_home



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt very little comfort, Pain, So much angst, angst angst angst, i know literally nothing about computers and it shows, i'm sorry i love thirteen but she goes through some shit, so much pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-19 03:34:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22371268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_trash_can_is_my_home/pseuds/the_trash_can_is_my_home
Summary: "What are you, huh?” She could feel the cogs in her brain turning. “You took the form of Grace and Yaz’s little sister, what is this, some kind of emotional torment? Torture? Ah, gone are the old ways of violence.” Her face scrunched up as she tried to make some kind of connection. “Shapeshifting and having all of those memories aren’t anything I’ve seen before in any kind of living being before so what are you?” She pulled her sonic out of her coat and scanned it. “Oh, that’s clever. A computer interface. Well if you’re a computer it’s easy to turn you off. First Rule: Never leave me in a room with a computer interface and a circuit board.”--The Doctor and her friends face something designed to torture your mind and your heart that turns into the form of those who you love, blaming you for things that happened to them.--i can't write summaries i'm sorry,,,
Relationships: The Doctor/River Song, Thirteenth Doctor & Yasmin Khan & Graham O'Brien & Ryan Sinclair, Thirteenth Doctor/River Song
Comments: 15
Kudos: 220





	Voices Always Catch Up

**Author's Note:**

> idk what this is but it's super angsty. i just felt like writing something super angsty and this just,,, kind of wrote itself?? i haven't checked it at all it could be good or shit, who knows. ENJOY!

“Graham.” Grace’s voice was cold and so unlike the voice of the woman that the Doctor had met. She felt her friend tense up next to her and saw Ryan’s eyes widen as his mouth formed a word. “It’s all your fault.” The creature’s face warped and twisted into an ugly snarl. The creature, because this woman was not Grace, there was no way it  _ could _ be Grace.

“Grace? What’re you-” Graham started towards her but flinched back when she interrupted him.

“If you had stopped me!” The voice was nearing a manic shriek. “You could have stopped me from climbing that crane if you had done more! You could have done more! I might still be here looking after Ryan if you hadn’t been so selfish.” Graham’s knees buckled and instantly the Doctor and Ryan rushed forward, bending down on their knees.

“That’s not her, it can’t be her.” Ryan was muttering, it seemed that he was trying to convince himself as much as Graham.

“He’s right.” The Doctor heard her voice come out hoarse and sharp. “That’s not her- Graham. Graham! Look at me. It’s not her. It’s some kind of- I don’t know. Something’s impersonating her, it’s trying to hurt us but we can’t let it.”

“I know. I’m alright, Doc-” A pained gasp interrupted them and the Doctor whipped around. Grace was no longer standing there.

“They got me, Yaz.” Yaz shrunk down and the Doctor grimaced. She must have jumped in front of them while they were comforting Graham. 

“Sonya, I-”

“Those stupid aliens. You and your Doctor must have really pissed them off.”

“What are you-”

“It’s your fault, Yaz.” Her voice was deadly quiet. “Your fault. You lead them to us, you caused them to kill Mum and Dad. And me. It hurt. It hurt so bad.”

“Don’t listen to it, Yaz.” The Doctor’s stern voice caused her friend to whip around. “You’re family is back home at Sheffield, 2018. They’re safe. That  _ thing _ isn’t Sonya. What are  _ you _ , huh?” She could feel the cogs in her brain turning. “You took the form of Grace and Yaz’s little sister, what is this, some kind of emotional torment? Torture? Ah, gone are the old ways of violence.” Her face scrunched up as she tried to make some kind of connection. “Shapeshifting and having all of those memories aren’t anything I’ve seen before in any kind of living being before so what are you?” She pulled her sonic out of her coat and scanned it. “Oh, that’s clever. A computer interface. Well if you’re a computer it’s easy to turn you off. First Rule: Never leave me in a room with a computer interface and a circuit board.” She grabbed Yaz’s hand and pulled her behind her before turning her back on the thing.

“Alright, Fam, here’s what we’re going to do. I’m going to distract the creature, Ryan, Graham, you guys need to get around to that circuit board over there, pull the copper wire and the emerald wire and Yaz, you sonic it, then we’ll be able to-”

“Doctor?” The Doctor whipped around, her sonic falling from her hand. She felt her throat dry up as she took a step towards it. A single tear trickled down her face. “Doctor.”

“Rose?”

The woman in front of her scoffed. “Surprised you even remember my name after you abandoned me. Dumped me off in a parallel universe along with all the other  _ trash _ that you just had to get rid of.” Her mouth twisted off into a dreadful sneer.

“Rose, that’s not what I meant I didn’t- It was the only thing I could do.” Her voice sounded heartbroken to her own ears.

“Is that true? Or is it an excuse?! Admit it, Doctor, you never wanted me around. You got bored of me and so you dumped me, leaving me for dead!”

  
“Rose, no-”

“I loved you. I loved you so much it killed me. And that’s what you did. I was as good as dead once you were through with me.”  _ It’s not real, she’s not real. _ But then why did it feel so real? The Doctor felt her knees give way, her head bowing to the floor, a guttural sob forcing its way out of her throat. A hand forced her face up and her eyes met a pair of familiar brown ones.

“There she is. You know, you ruined my life. I was on the path to being a great doctor, to actually helping people and then you come along and turned me into a soldier, into someone who kills.”

“Martha-”

“I was a person once, you know? But now I’m nothing more than a soldier. One of your soldiers. How many lives have you ruined, Doctor? How many dreams have been abandoned to follow you?” The Doctor couldn’t take it, she turned her head away from her former friend and felt more tears well in her eyes. 

“Oi! Spaceman! Don’t look away from me! You erased the best years of my life shouldn’t I get a say?”

“Immortality. It’s a curse you know. A curse you had but you passed on to me.” The Doctor looked up to see the sad face of Captain Jack. “I’m miserable, you know? Just because you had to live your miserable immortal life, that doesn’t mean I should have to. This is your fault!”

“No, Rose-” she gasped. “I couldn’t control it.”

“Bullshit! You know deep in your hearts that you could have stopped this. You could have, Doctor. But no. I’m subjected to this torture. All. Because. Of. You.” He accented each word with a sharp prod of his finger at the Doctor’s chest. The creature’s face warped before her eyes, brown hair growing out and changing colour to a bright red. The Doctor knew it wasn’t real but-

“Donna?” She choked out. A loud crack echoed out around the room and the Doctor pulled up a hand to her face, letting it flutter over the raw skin. 

“You deserve more than that,” Donna said. “You ruined my life, you know that, right? You ruined Grandad’s life. You ruined my mother’s life. You ruin everything you touch, Doctor!”

“You’re not her, you’re not her, you’re not her, you’re not her, you’re not her,” the Doctor muttered over and over, her hands coming up to cover her ears, rocking back and forward on the spot. She heard a shriek and immediately looked up at the thing. She was grabbing her head.

“Doctor! Doctor, it feels like my head’s splitting open!”

“Donna, no, you’re remembering.” All thoughts of the computer not being Donna flew out of the Doctor’s head in an instant. She pulled herself onto her feet and ran towards her friend, putting both her hands on either side of her head.

“Doctor, no. No, don’t make me forget. I don’t want to forget.” Tears started to cascade down both of their faces.

“I have to. Or you’ll die and I can’t lose you. I can’t lose you, Donna.” Donna’s eyes started to glaze over as she looked the Doctor straight in the eye.

“I hate you.” The words were scornful and caused the Doctor’s hands to fall. She felt broken.

“Stop this. Please,” she whispered to no one in particular. “Please.”

“Doctor!” A familiar Scottish voice rang out. It wasn’t scornful and the Doctor looked up in relief, a sad smile coming over her face.

“Amelia Pond.”

“Doctor.” A hand came up and rested on her cheek. “Where’s Rory?” A sob wracked the Doctor’s body.

“No. No no no. Don’t make me do this. Please.”

“Doctor.” Amy’s hand fell from her face and she looked at her, her eyes sparkling with unshed tears. “Where is he?”

“I’m sorry,” the Doctor tried to hold back her tears, her voice coming out choked. “I’m so so sorry.”

“No. No, we can just go get him in the TARDIS. On more paradox.”

“No, Amy, I can’t. I can’t, I can’t. Stop this, stop this, stop this.” The Doctor’s hands came up to her head.

“I just have to blink, right?”

“No!” The Doctor screamed. “No, no, no. Amy stop!”

“It’ll be fine, I know it will. I’ll be with him like I should be. Me and Rory together.”

“Please, stop.” The Doctor’s voice broke. “Please. I can’t do this. Not again. Stop it. What do you want?”

“Raggedy man.” A hand came up and cupped his face. “Goodbye.” And then she was gone. Disappeared. Just like Rory. Just like everyone she’d ever loved. 

“What do you want? What do you want?” The Doctor was broken. “Why are you doing this?”

“Were you ever proud of me?”

“Clara.”

“Hello, you stupid old woman.” She smiled at her but there was something twisted about it. “You know.” She started to pace around in front of the Doctor. “Before I died I asked you to be a little proud of me. Were you?”

“Clara, of course, I was. I was so proud, Clara-”

“Yeah, but here’s the thing.” Clara let out a little laugh and her eyes flashed. “You couldn’t let me rest. You say you’re proud of me but you were so ready to pull me out, make my sacrifice mean nothing.”

“Clara, no, it wasn’t like that. You  _ know  _ it wasn’t like that,” the Doctor sobbed. “I loved you. I loved you so much and I couldn’t bear to live without you.”

“I waited.” The voice was different again. “For ten years. I waited down at the bottom of that ship for you.”

“Bill. Bill you know I-”

“I waited! And you were too late!” She exclaimed, voice disbelieving. “You got there, and I was a monster. They turned me into a monster, Doctor, and you didn’t stop it.”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry,” the Doctor choked out. “I’m sorry.”

“Well, sorry doesn’t do me any good does it? You were too late,” she hissed out and then she morphed. Curly hair growing out slightly and changing to blonde, her face getting older.

“River?” The Doctor fell to her knees. No, no, she couldn’t do this. How could they- who was doing this?

“Hello, Sweetie.”

“You’re not her. You can’t be her. Stop this. Please.” The Doctor didn’t bother holding back her tears.

“Oh, Doctor.” River knelt next to her and the Doctor didn’t try to stop tears streaming down her face.

“Who are you? Why are you doing this?”

“Sweetie, where’s your ring?” River took her hand, running her own over it and the Doctor shivered.

“It fell off during regeneration I-”

“So what? You regenerate and then suddenly I’m nothing to you?” River snatched her hand away and her eyes flashed with righteous anger.

“No, no, River-”

“Did you even try to find it?”

“Of course I-”

“Out of sight, out of mind, huh. God, I should have known. I go to the library and all of a sudden it’s like I don’t exist.”

“River that’s not it at all! I love you, I love you so much.” River scoffed.

“We both know that isn’t true.” Her tone was scathing and the Doctor couldn’t bear to look in her eyes. “Stop lying to yourself, Doct-!” 

There was a flash of light and then the sound of something powering down. The Doctor looked up and saw a metal wall in front of her, nothing else. She crumpled, her body hitting the floor, her body shaking as she wept. Vaguely she could make out the concerned voices of Yaz, Graham, and Ryan but she couldn’t find it in her to respond. She felt them lift her body and lead her back to the TARDIS. She heard the familiar whirring and sound as it dematerialised, she felt the concerned prodding in her mind and she stood up on shaky legs, running her hands along the console.

“I’ll be fine, girl. I’ll be fine.”

**Author's Note:**

> might write more of this, like the fam's reactions or something, i might not. it really depends on how motivated i'm feeling and if my mind decides to work :)
> 
> anyway, hope you enjoyed!!


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